Fresh Air

Antarctica: Voyage of Discovery in Retrospect

I am often at a loss as to how to end a spectacular journey.  Is it best to end with a bang, or a whimper?  Perhaps instead a quiet whisper; a slightly paler version of the technicolor experiences that have gone before, to ease the transition back to reality with less of a full camera cut and more of a gentle, telescopic slide back towards reality.

We've been privileged to traverse the Antarctic Peninsula from several remarkably unique landing points.  The stark and unrelenting beauty of this untameable land is seared in my mind.  Courting block-long glaciers; playing hide-and-seek with mountain-tops emerging from shrouded depths of miles of ice; tracing the geology of the ages in beach sand and rubble... Face to face with the primal nature of this continent and its denizens, I feel both awed and humbled.

The southern end of the earth is its own last, best miracle.  I feel honored to have touched its face, and walked its lands.  Coupled with the multi-sensory experience of standing toe to toe, flipper and wing with a wide variety of penguins, seals and birds, I know now what it is like to curiously explore the ways and means of another species, with wonder and without fear.

I'll detail more fully each environment and its inhabitants, preferably before the daily experiences of this life rob me of the memories of what it was like to be in and part of another world.

If you have the chance to go, you should.  Don't wait - special places have a tendency to change, and generally not for the better.  Eco-tourism aside - it's a very delicate balance, and not one I am certain we can maintain.  Go - it's one of the best things I've ever had an opportunity to experience, and one you would not, for a moment, regret. 

Of Migraines and Samadhi

I attended a doctor's appointment yesterday to learn how to use biofeedback to control the intensity of my migraine headaches.  I'm not sure what I expected, but it most certainly wasn't a more fully evolved version of my best imaged self.

Carolyn McManus works in the adult rehabilitation section of Swedish Hospital.  I'd been recommended to her by Dr. Sylvia Lucas, another stellar healing professional who deals exclusively with headache issues at UW.

Carolyn opened the conversation in an animated fashion, sharing her recent experiences at a conference presided over by the Dalia Lama on the mind's role in creating and sustaining experience, both positive and negative.  I asked how she got into this field, and got a very interesting description on creating mindfulness around healing the whole person, not just physical injuries.  Formerly a traditional physical therapist, she returned to school to complete graduate work in psychology with the intention of starting a counseling practice.  However, upon further reflection she felt compelled to return to traditional medicine, bringing her own special brand of healing and holistic medicine into the mix. 

Using this explanation as a segue into learning more about understanding and controlling my own mind-body connection, she started to ask questions about my migraine experiences and reaction to those experiences.  This I found interesting - since when you're dealing with physical injury, you often get asked how and where it hurts, but not about your reactions and feelings to the injury itself.      

Her work focuses on developing an integrated approach to dealing with pain.  In her view, it's less about the physical experience and more about the mental approach taken to the physical experiences.  In light of this viewpoint, we discussed ways to ascertain how your body is reacting and how to control those reactions more fully.  These included biofeedback techniques, relaxation techniques and how these might connect to my reaction to stress, particularly in light of the migraines.

Her point was well taken.  Pain is pain, but one's reaction to pain is something that can be controlled.  In particular, I was struck by her suggestion that in the midst of pain, you can visualize it into context, creating it as a small component in a much larger mental universe.  Another take-away that I found relevant to the way I operate is to engage a sense of curiosity rather than judgment when in the midst of a migraine experience.  Often when these headaches arise, its in the context of a deadline or some other type of pressure point that needs to be met.  The headache is often a sign that a) I've run out of internal resources  or b) I've run out of creative ways to make the situation better.  Her point is that though the situation isn't going to change, my reaction to it can. 

Using her techniques, I discovered that if you really relax there is a natural re-balancing in the bloodstream that takes place.  Fight-or-flight experiences tend to pull the blood into the core.  When you relax, that blood moves back out into your extremities, e.g. away from your pounding brain.  One side effect of this process is that the temperature in your extremities rises as the blood flows into them.  I was able to raise my hand temperature 6 degrees after the first biofeedback attempt, though my outside reading indicates that an even higher increase is desirable.  Women's hands at rest in room temperature surroundings are generally about 86 degrees.  The goal is to raise the temperature up to about 95 degrees for greatest efficacy with migraine.

Part of building an awareness and degree of control is understanding where you are mentally in the stress pattern, and also where your body is.  The body carries memories much longer than the mind.  Carolyn was quite keen on being "in the moment" mentally, but also bringing your body along to being present in the moment as well.   This is tough for me.  Yes, I meditate and do yoga and all that great stuff that is supposed to bring "balance", but the minute I get into work, pfffffft!, it's gone and I am ready to fight the good fight until I can crawl home exhausted at the end of the day.  Thus is the state of grace for a Type A personality. 

Work is all about mental sharpness and psychological acuity.  I read people's reactions for a living, and base business decisions on developing solutions that work from both a business and a personal motivation standpoint.  Problem solving, keeping people motivated, keeping myself on track and engaged; this all takes mental energy.  According to Carolyn, I need to integrate more of my outside-the-office Samadhi mindset into general tasks, whether it's making coffee or phone calls.  Breathing in and out, keeping body awareness even in the midst of mental crises (real or otherwise) should help mitigate the stress triggers that seem to generate migraines.  I have now found that even just a few breaths done with intention and focus can bring me back to my whole self - not just the noodle that wants to operate as a separate entity. 

So there you have it.  I've got exercises to do at home and at work, and I've already stopped at least twice today and took time to breathe.  And no migraine yet this week, either, which is quite a welcome relief! 

A Thanksgiving to Remember

I seem to have been inextricably drawn into my first Meme.  Cathy has directed me to provide five delectable food memories.  She was thus directed by her Spanish main squeeze Sal.  He's listed the history of his gustitorial antecedents here, which if I am reading the coffee beans correctly is the polite and appropriate thing to do.  On top of it, Cathy has pinged four of her closest online friends to participate, and I feel blessed to be in *great* company.

A Thanksgiving to Remember

The scene: My aunt and uncles house, pre-Thanksgiving Dinner, sometime in my mid-teens.  I am horrible with dates, but can describe down to the last detail what something looks like and where it is placed geographically.  Almost all of my memories are grounded in place.  Go figure.  Here's the memory:

My uncle's house has always been my favorite.  Designed by a world-class architect, the house transcends the starkness of Philip Johnson fundamentals with abundant use of natural materials, sweeping Puget Sound views and a low-slung profile that hugs the land like the graceful sweep of a sumi brush. 

Novembers in Seattle can be tumultuous.  I love storms, and in the older, wilder portions of the city, one can get caught up in the hollow whistle of the wind through creaking conifers, standing like ancient, dancing sentinels as they weave and dip.  Couple the wind with buckets of rain, dashing with intermittent abandon against any and all surfaces, and you've got a good sense of what this particular Thanksgiving felt like. 

In more remote locals, it isn't unusual for the power to go out when one of these windstorms kicks up its heels.  We'd been at my uncle's house for about an hour; the turkey was doing its thing, the potatoes on to boil for mashers, and the bean casserole in the second oven in my aunt's commodious kitchen.

!!!POW!!!

Out went the transformer.  We saw the flash through the trees, even a half mile away from the main road through Woodway.  The house succumbed instantly to the velvet drape of complete darkness, broken only by the distant glow from a fireplace burning at each either end of the house.

After we got my grandparents comfortably settled, my cousins and I lit every candle we could find, making the house look and feel like a Buddhist monastery; isolated, mysterious, reverent.    There was something very primal in the air; fire, candlelight, and the sweet scent of meat pervading the house from one end to the other. 

In the master bedroom was a small wood stove.  It too had been lit earlier in the evening, and on it we placed the remainder of items to be cooked.  Potatoes to finish; carrots in butter dill sauce, and of course, hot cranberry compote. 

The traditionalist in me will never be dissatisfied with such a standard Thanksgiving menu.  The wild-eyed child that longs to run naked in the wind will never forget eating this splendid meal under cover of barely-lit darkness, feeling the whistling wind in my very bones.

We lost my aunt not too many Thanksgivings after this point - and the house never had the same appeal to me after her passing.  We weren't close, but her aura and sense of design permeated that space.  My cousin and his family live there now, with a small cottage next door for his father and his second wife.  It feels very different now - but that's to be expected.  In fact, we've stopped celebrating full family Thanksgivings, and though I miss them, they wouldn't be the same in any regard.  However,  when I am there, if I close my eyes, and the wind is whistling just right, I can still go back to that sensuous, saturated night, and relive its magic once again.   

For Richard

It seems like yesterday
I laughed with you,
A dry and potent cocktail
Refreshingly acerbic.

I left you happy; elsewhere engaged.
Or was it you who left me?

To my surprise, I see now
A man, bent, not broken;
Soul embodied
In a curved shell.
Your wry smile, though, is just the same.

Tragedy forced
An unanticipated traverse.
Of disbelief, despair, grief;
And yet, a cycle cleaved
By hope and faith!

Will and Way conjoined in
Cold-boiled perseverance.
Gritted teeth; banded muscle; bated breath.
Signposts on the road to recovery.

A PERSONAL REQUEST:

After six long years, I saw my freind Richard again for the first time this past weekend.  He's had a very difficult time since we last saw each other, having been dealt a cruel hand highlighted by a horrid bout with bacterial meningitus.  The man before me had retained his center, even in the face of almost insurmountable odds.  For starters, he's still living - which defied the prognoses of many a medical professional.

Today, he's going in for 12 hours of back surgery to trim, re-seat and fuse a portion of his spine, in the hopes that this will provide a stronger core around which to array and support his limbs.  I will certainly be sending my thoughts his way, and know for a fact that he'd appreciate any energy and prayers you can direct towards his recovery.  I thank you.

The New SoulNudge is Available Now!

Mildred Lynn MacDonald has just released the March issue of SoulNudge, a wonderful guide to (re)discovering your dreams, sense of purpose and passion.  I do hope you'll take a look as she's developed quite a toolbox to help people along their "best and highest purpose" path.  And, she's a dear friend whom I miss more than words can express.  May spring come quickly to Ottawa, dear!