Fresh Air

Grandmaitus

Grandmaitus: the state of awe and wonder when someone that your closely related to, whether by blood or otherwise, and at least a generation behind you announces that they are with child.

Pronunciations vary by geography.  Some say GrandMAYAtus, making is sound a bit more like a disease and less like a state of mind.  Others, such as myself, put a distinct glottal between the Grandma and the -itus, providing a bit more clarity around what's really going on here. 

I have Grandmaitus.  A bad case, from what I can ascertain as my first reaction was to drop all other projects and begin knitting a soft, snugly and ridiculously expensive baby bunting.  Never one to get into all that gender-based color theory, it's in a gentle yellow chenille, with little feathery bits embedded in the yarn.  A complementary soft green trim completes the ensemble. 

I'll let the parties that be announce their identities in due time.  The declaration came as a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.  However, it's early, and anything can happen.  But, I can guarantee that the excitement is building amongst the Grandma Group.  We're all on board and looking forward to the next generation! 

 

Word of the Week: GAAK

I've determined that the best way to win the word war in my household is to make them up.  That way, when my Truly Well Read Husband beats me to the punch (in the largest dictionary we own, all 25 pounds of it) for real words like "polydactyl", I have some form of recourse.

Last week, my new word of the week was CRUFT.  This week, the word of the week is GAAK.  Unlike CRUFT, which is clearly defined as the extra baggage of whatever flavor one tends to haul around, GAAK has several potential meanings. 

For our first definition, it's what they serve as an approximation of ostensibly consumable food on the trade show floor. 

Second, it is the sound that my cat makes when he's got a hairball. 

Lastly, it's the silent but deadly scream that drives me straight out of bed during my more nightmarishly inclined late nights.

There are solutions to GAAK.  Namely, bring gorp and bananas in your briefcase for consumption on the trade show floor (thanks Jeff!).  And extra pair of shoes (which is more related to EYIEOW than GAAK, but I digress...)  GAAK Issue 1 resolved.

The cat and his relative digestive distress can also be solved by a change in diet, not dissimilar from the solution provided for Issue 1, above.  And some extra brushing to get rid of that pesky undercoat, which is often fun for everyone.  Just don't leave the extra hair lying around or your problems are magnified tenfold.  I speak from experience!

Now, that stuck-to-the-ceiling-in-the-middle of the night problem is a slightly tougher nut to crack.  Things that work: massage (got one in Vegas, thanks!), Ambien or Melatonin (which I refuse to take...), late night bathing in my imaginary sen-do (see the delightful photograph on the left for a reference point), EXERCISE (which helps in many ways for many ills and can include many different activities, just in case you need some suggestions for a non-functional brain at 4AM), and last but not least, hot milk with honey per my favorite Norwegian grandmother, who was chock-a-block with easy remedies for most issues.

I'm looking forward to less GAAK in my life as we move forward with certain business arrangements.  For more information on THAT topic, please see the category Bowling with Planets.  And if you have other words that you'd like me to define for you, line 'em up.  I'm all about combining creativity and clarity.

Yours truly, The Closet Wordsmith